How old are you?
41
Where do you live?
LaFargeville, NY USA
Website
What is your history with sports and athletics?
I have no aptitude for sports. I passed gym in high school because I at least tried, but I tended to be among the last chosen for teams. In college, I felt vindicated when I became the reigning female badminton champ (the athletic students were signed up for volleyball and soccer) and found I was remarkably tenacious in self defense class.
Like many female college students, I crash dieted and over-exercised, taking up running in the early morning dark. It wasn’t until I was 27 that I ran my first 5K, not realizing the faster runners go to the front. I learned very quickly that I had to hustle! After that, races and regular runs became something I did–usually a solitary venture. It wasn’t until 2015 that I ran my first 10K, and after that, I was sold on 5 and 10Ks.
In 2019, I purchased a Runner’s World magazine for a train ride back to NY from DC. An inspiring story about a woman who decided to run a marathon to beat her depression spoke to me. I emptied my bank account of my last $80 for an entry fee (I was in a manic phase) and signed up to run the only local half around. I downloaded a training program, stuck to it religiously for ten weeks and finished 3rd female in my age category. In a few more weeks, I ran another 10K and won second woman overall (small field) and made 2nd woman again the following week (another small field). That Thanksgiving, I finished 11th out of 269 females 40-49 in DC’s Trot for Hunger. After that, well, I had to run a marathon, which happened virtually in 2020.
What do you enjoy most about being an athlete?
Being called an athlete!
Though I run and lift every day, I don’t consider myself an athlete. I am someone who has found a great deal of satisfaction in the endorphins, and I love the structure it brings to my day.
Have you experienced any challenges or obstacles?
I am a runner with social anxiety who runs in a tiny hamlet. Running in the daytime when I see all of my neighbors is a huge challenge. (I typically run in the earliest hours of the day–mostly because I’m a morning person.) Thank goodness I’m usually distracted by my regiment or feeling a runner’s high by the time I have to shout “hello” to one of my neighbors.
And dogs. Lots of unleashed dogs here. I typically do all of my runs (even the half marathons) on a 3/4-mile track to avoid dogs.
Ten or more years ago when I was running through the worst of my depression and eating disorders, I would injure myself frequently, simply because I was unhealthy and literally unbalanced: I tore muscles, bruised things, fell a lot. It was a hard-learned lesson in learning how not to deal with injuries and pain.
What is your “why?”
“I should stick to small goals.”
“Small goals,” my psychiatrist assented.
I’ve recently had to accept typical life things–the job, the house, the 401K, the partner and children–are not in the cards. That’s real life with severe anxiety and bipolar disorder. I think in the athletic world, we’re hit with messages to “dream big” and “meet every challenge,” which feels different from accepting small life goals, which include a sub-3:50 marathon next year and an ultra.
To cope, I give myself what I call my Forward Program or FWD (Fitness Workday). From 4 a.m. to 4 p.m., I have a full day of fitness tasks to complete, much like I would have tasks to complete on the job. I love it, because like every worker, I don’t want to put in the 1 p.m. chore or that last duty before the end of the day, but getting it all in each and every day gives me a purpose (stability) with pay (fitness) and a great long-term health benefits program (I’m just plum healthy). Then from 5 p.m. on, I have the evening to myself, much like I would if I were working.
What is you favorite gear or equipment?
As you can imagine, I’m on a really, really, really tight budget, but I did treat myself to a refurbished Garmin Forerunner in July to track my marathon training progress, which was a game changer.
My sister gave me her old 5lb weights, and I’m proof you don’t need more than some light free weights to build muscle–just tenacity. And a spin class I took in 2019 helped me master hills. I’d love a spin bike.
What’s next?
Next year a sub-3:50 marathon, an ultra, and a pipe dream of a BQ. Small goals–except for maybe that last one. A bigger challenge would be for me to run these in an in-person race.
Another goal is to stay on social media. I try to strike a balance between not harping on anxiety and bipolar disorder, which can be irritating and not ALL of who I am, while not avoiding them. I want to be someone who can use the word “psychiatrist” without stirring up discomfort in anyone reading my daily post, which, honestly, is usually me after a run looking sweaty and saying “Have a good day!” The only way to talk about mental health is to actually talk about it. I accept there are going to be posts when I am down or blusteringly full of myself, because that’s how these disorders present themselves.
Any fun facts about yourself?
I’ve had some interesting jobs: a high school English teacher in the South Bronx, an academic journals editor, a contemplative nun (you might not have guessed it from my “running words”), a medical scribe, a nanny to a congressman (well, a congressman’s baby), a children’s tour guide at the National Zoo, and this past summer I studied to be a phlebotomist. I was also on CBS Sunday Morning in 2007 in the same segment as Tony Shalhoub as the “real life” example of someone with severe anxiety =D
Do you have any advice for someone interested in getting started?
Go and run, then figure out what you’ll need. In my experience, ninety-five percent is run-and-learn. Go ahead and feel stupid–because no matter your size, your clothes, your equipment, your shoes, your route, your pace rate–which I never even bothered to learn what’s good or bad until this year–you’re out there running.
I remember telling someone at age 26, “I ran two miles today!” I had no idea that this was less distance than a children’s fun run, which is probably why this person stared at me not knowing if I was crowing or complaining. She raised her eyebrows and politely said, “Oh.”
Any other comments or stories you’d like to share?
Aging has helped tremendously. The older I get, the less I worry about appearances, the better runner I become. Who knew that my best running year (2020) would come in the same year I began to go gray?